How to Deal with Toxic People

You’re trying to make some lifestyle changes. You might be trying to eat healthier, exercise more, or something else. But sometimes, people try to get you off track. You know how it goes.

Oh come on, just one cookie won’t be so bad”, your overweight friend says.

Or “you’re too obsessed with exercise”, your overweight doctor says (yep, a client of mine really said that her doctor said that exact line) when she hears that you exercise 5-6 days a week for an hour.

Or “honey, I love you just the way you are” (it’s not just used for scoring points. It’s also used to sabotage people.)

If you’ve tried to make a healthy change, you probably know what I’m talking about. And the worst part is that the people saying those things are the ones closest to you. Could be your spouse, your best friend, and as in the previous example, your doctor.

Why are they doing it? Are they out to sabotage you?

The actual answer is yes.

But they aren’t trying to do it consciously (most of the time). It’s just a natural reaction. If you start to improve, it reminds people of their own shortcomings, so they try to drag you back to their level.

So how do you deal with it?

I have 3 suggestions:

  1. Address it directly. Don’t make it confrontational. Very often people don’t even realize they’re doing it.
  2. Spend less time with those people. Easier said than done, right? Not really. Simply start to pick up activities where you are around like-minded people. So your overweight friend thinks that a blueberry scone with a super-duper frapuccino is a great form of entertainment? Find a friend or group of friends whose idea of a great form of entertainment is dancing or hiking or yoga or something else. This way it’s automatic: if you spend more time with people who are supportive, you will by default spend less time with people who aren’t.
  3. Ask the toxic person/people for help. Remember, toxic people are those closest to you, and on some level, they want to help you out. But if you just tell them your goal, without a request for help, it’s easy for them to say little things that sabotage you. Asking them for help with your change makes them think twice before saying something.

Did you know that the single most important factor in whether you will reach your goals (doesn’t matter if they’re fitness goals or financial goals or relationship goals) and maintain those results is your social group? Yep. It’s more important than how you exercise and how you eat.

So give the importance of your social group to your goals, do everything in your power to make it a good one.

Often, your personal trainer may be the only positive influence in your social network, and if you don’t have one, it’s not a bad idea to get one.

Short Summary 

  • Toxic people are those who knowingly or unknowingly try to sabotage you.
  • 3 ways to deal with toxic people are:
    • Confront them.
    • Spend less time with them.
    • Ask them for their help.